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I'm such a disaster. [08 Apr 2007|07:54pm]
[ mood | morose ]

You could call this my cry for help.
But since I'm pretty sure it's at the point where nobody reads this, I really don't think anyone will come to my rescue.

Most recently, I figured out that. I'm the protector of everyone I know because I wish that somebody would take care of me.
Still wishing.

I wish I had the guts to say everything I wanted to. 

Well...Then again, I wish I didn't have to spoon-feed people the answers to every question that just needs a bit of insight to find the answer to.
I wish people would actually think about shit. Fuck, that's getting so frustrating.

I feel like nobody really gets me anymore. I feel like I don't even really understand me. 

I think I care too much.

Prelude to a breakdown.
Day one.

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[28 Feb 2007|03:49pm]
[ mood | creative ]

Lately i've learned so much about myself. but i'm still not sure what makes me the way i am. I dont know why i react to things the way i do.
and why i let people get to me, yeah. a mystery to me too. dont worry. you're not the only one.
i'm guessing this will be a pretty interesting journal to read. i guess thats why i put it on my myspace.
then i dont have to tell people everything about me. they can just read it if they really want to.
i have nothing to hide.

You know. I've met alot of amazing people in the last few years.
and for some odd reason. so many have just.
drifted away from me. I hate that shit.
And i'm really tired of flakey people. I have about 15 people that say they are "going with me to the blood brothers show"
who wants to bet me RIGHT NOW  that at most. 2 will go along. really. i mean REALLy.

I have great memories though.

I just wish they werent memories. And they could still be great times.
but. thats not my decision i suppose.

one day i'll figure out what is so bad about me.

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[27 Feb 2007|05:14pm]
[ mood | drained ]

I mean really let's be super super serious right now.
i want to puke.
Ryan's mother is just. a piece of work.
she's been taking all the money that his dad has been giving her for child support.
telling EVERYONE ELSE that he wasnt paying.
and really he was paying MORE than he was supposed to.
she was just using it all for herself.

I had been wondering why they hadnt been so bad off.
Makes sense now.
So ryan's moving in with his father. that'll be interesting to see.

I sort of got screwed over by one of my friends too. I really really wanted to be close to him.
but he really didnt think about anyone in the friendship except for himself.
and it's my fault. HA!. i know right.
i'm graduating soon. i can't wait to be fucking DONE with highschool. that'll be great.

oh and my bellybutton ring isnt surfacing :D

it's just fine. just the skin is dry from me cleaning it so much hahaha.

I've been talking to Leslie alot more lately too.
She's wonderful. I dont know why i stopped talking to her. I love her soo.
And then it hink about our memories, and chris ALWAYS comes up.
old times right?
I miss that kid. no matter how badly he fucked me over.

i hope he's doing okay.

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